Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
When I was in junior high, (that’s what they used to call Middle School) I was left alone to live with my dad. Which, being the seventies, meant I was pretty much left to raise myself. This was for my seventh, eighth and ninth grades. The only time a boy came to the door, ready to ask if I could play, my dad made sure he scared him into never coming back again. That guy was just a friend! Then when the real boyfriend came along, he just snuck in the back yard to my window. Heh heh.
But during this time, my dad made sure I got my 3 meals daily. But that didn't mean he cooked them. Especially breakfast. Before the divorce, he would make pancakes and bacon every Saturday. The smell of bacon is a memory of before i didn’t know we weren’t intact. Anyway, we would go to my grandma’s house for breakfast, before he would drop me off at school. Or we would eat at the Longhouse. That set the stage.
In high school, my friends and I would meet at a little place that reminded me of that Longhouse. in Seacliff. The fun of hanging with your friends before school ordering bacon, eggs and hash browns, and slathering jelly on toast is just a really cool way to start the day.
This love caught fire when I discovered “brunch”. That’s when it blossomed from a puppy love to an infatuation. Eggs Benedict awakened senses I was previously unaware I had. The hollandaise made me feel all giddy and the Italian bacon, muffins, fresh fruit, coffee. Real butter. joy!
The fancy Mimosa type places for Mother’s Day or my birthday. Or when I want to feel special. McKay cottage today was an outdoor seating delight with the fresh fruit side dish as overflowing with berries as the coffee carafe was offered to be refilled. Tried a non-traditional Benedict that had bacon and spinach and red peppers too. It was delightful. Look:
Saturday, June 18, 2011
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
What is in our control? A lot more than people think. The
whole creating your own reality concept, blows right past most people. They
think control equals security equals be married have kids own a house go to
work earn a paycheck pay bills take some vacations pay taxes then die.
I have a lot of issues around control, controlling people, and
self-control. This topic made me think of a lot of directions to go in with
this blog. I have an issue with controlling my appetites, from rich and sweet
foods, to sex-with-the-ex, i’m pretty self indulgent. I have issues around
self-control with my mouth. I was an unfiltered blurter for a while lol.
i’ve been working on for about the last 20 years and have it pretty much in
control. That was a long road. I have issues with attracting controlling mates.
Nuff said. I had a really hard time controlling my son when he was 3 & his
dad & me broke up. How difficult that was to regain that control. Now that
he is 16 i have less control over him once again.
There are others who I wanted
to recommend they control their children instead of neglecting them.
But i like the creating your own reality story better. To me,
what is in my control is my faith, my belief system, that no matter the outer turmoil,
my inner world is at peace. Even though outwardly, i don’t have anything i
should at my age. No husband, no house i own, no IRA, no college fund for my
kid. Those things would be nice, as would health insurance, savings, and the
ability to repay my student loans. But those are outward things. I have not
lost a minute sleep over them.
I have an uncanny ability to focus on the positive that creates for me a universal safety net that softly catches me when i fuck up. some call it karma that i fall at all, i call it karma that i land softly. I land on my feet. “like a cat thrown out a window” as my mom said yesterday to
I love my apartment, i have no cable but i have my DVD collection, my
Blockbuster card, the radio. I love music and it’s ability to uplift. I have the
ability to block, unfriend or otherwise evict toxic people from my life. I have
likewise the knack to attract positive, good people around me. Like you!
"Ambitious people force their will on others,
But content people are already wealthy."
Thanks for reading!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
The false belief that “it”, whatever it is, is never coming back, is a trick we play on ourselves. It’s “lost” to us. But miscellaneous emotions and people “magically” reappear in our lives when we least expect it. Thanks to facebook, this happens a lot.
The young kimi was very lost; in my youth i was a hot mess. I didn’t and still don’t have a clue where I’m going, but I’m no longer lost. Tolkien & me, we know things. “all who wander are not lost”. Found isn’t the right word for me either, sounds too religulous. Found is a penny from heaven. Found is a shiny old friend.
Remember the island of misfit toys? on Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer? That really struck me. Those poor toys, just because they were a little flawed, would never be loved by a child. That was so sad. I could relate a lot to how they felt, but they at least had eachother. That emotion of outcast, exclusion, rejection... stuck with me.
The Outsiders was another example that rang my bell. Those kids had my heart. Always had a soft spot for the wrong side of the tracks boys.
Back to Lost & Found. Misfit Toys. Forgotten items. These appear, what was once in our life, a ring, car keys, a husband, they reappear as if by magic. Like a moon appearing from behind a cloud. It’s back. Surprising you but not really because, hey it was yours to begin with, at least you’d spend time together to get to “claim” it or them as yours at the Lost & Found. I was a child lost at the Fair and my mexican grandma came & got me at the "Lost & Found". Or a cousin. I can't remember. I do know my white grandma & grandpa married each other twice.
I like to think they’ve just returned from a long journey where perhaps they weren’t lost, but were learning how life sucks without the other in it. So they come back. The sock, the keys, the old friend or crush. & You become their Found. They come home.
enjoy these facebook reuinion moments:
Monday, May 30, 2011
"There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way". ~Christopher Morley
Ha ha on this subject his week of “success” i despise that word really do. Thanks to my childhood i’ve been reverse brainwashed to fear and push away traditional success. Success scares me
I saw my family like this:
And we were so obsessed with success, my dad even bought us a Cement Pond. For a Mexican, this was big-time. he'd married a white woman, owned a 7-11 & had a built-in pool. He was the epitime of success. He owned a porche, sent his kids to private school.
But we still fell to divorce, and our family was a statistic. He never recovered financially or emotionally, from losing all his "success".
So for me, I retrained myself to take the little winnings, the small moments and make them my success. For me, success is living with integrity. Being Real. Having a cup of good coffee. Having good communication with my son. Treating others how I want to be treated. Sleeping in. To my son it's landing a kick flip or pulling off a rail slide in a contest.
I was 32 when Dano Plato died, and just last year Gary Colman died. That reminds me that to achieve Hollywood fame and millions, is not success. They didn’t achieve happiness or peace.
To me, today’s culture of “success” is still not really for me.
I would rather stay with my peeps then climb the ladder of success. I will only take it if i don't have to conform. I prefer the D List to the A List. Underachiever as it sounds
I still have goals and I will achieve them. But meanwhile...
Success can be turning on the radio at the BEGINNING of my favorite song.
Success can be fitting into my jeans again.
Success can be making it through another month of bills.
Success can be contributing a blog to the GBE2 and tweeting everyone else’s blog.
"Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong." Lao Tzu
patience, persistance, self mastery, & nonconformity; that's success to me.