Monday, August 30, 2010
Something I wrote in 2002:
I used to watch dolphins leap gracefully,
now it's just the old man, the kids and TV.
I once was alive, vibrant—outspoken;
now I'm all pudgy, put-out and broken.
I could have been famous; I could have been rich,
but I went for "happiness" and wound up with this.
I've learned how to cook and to tone myself down;
My ambitions forgotten, my eyes cast to the ground.
I focus my energy on staying alive and awake,
trying to sleep more and eat less--drink water and stretch.
How can I flourish when I don't have time to pee?
The donut that tempts me, the staying up late
is enough to age me my years times three.
I paint my nails to distract from the pounds.
Hey if you don't' like it, my husband still does.
My kids who come first in my heart and my life,
This is what I signed on for; it's just being a wife
I learned how to cook and keep passable house
and I get to have meaning, a car and a house.
Of course it's hard work and stresses abound,
But at least I have someone, and a ring, and a gown.
We can keep each other through the thick and the thin
and to the outside, they'll presume we win.
They'll see success where we see just stress
and we'll envy them and they'll envy us
and we all wish we were still single and free
but, hey, all singles want marriage, and
someday they'll be.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
July 23, 2010
Dear Ms. Browning:
Thank you for letting me respond to your letter dated July 21, 2010.
The day I moved in here, June 26, I had my dad's funeral. At the signing of my rental agreement, I was told of a "no animals" policy. I was not given a written copy of the rules until Lori emailed them to me. Had I been told in advance that I cannot have a dog visit my home, I would not have moved in here. There were not any signs posted stating such a policy and I was not told anything in advance of signing and receiving my key, at which point I was committed.
The dog is Chewey, a friendly, trained black lab mix. He only visits with his owner, my guest. Since the dog, Chewey, hasn't been accused of any wrong doing or of living here, I wonder what all the fuss is about. The essence of your communication seems to be that I cannot have a guest who is a dog owner. I have a problem believing you have that much control over what I do in my home. I can understand a leash requirement, or to have to clean up after any mess, which we of course do. To say I cannot have a guest visit my home who owns a dog is difficult to accept. The majority of people in this community are dog owners. I am not a dog owner; however I am friends with dog owners. They don't typically leave their dogs at home and they do not leave them in the car, especially in summer.
I live on the Wells Acres side of the complex. My exterior facing unit makes the front door hidden from view. I believe the information given to you is based on wrong assumptions. The dog is not always present when the guest's truck is here.
The next door neighbors are nice and their children enjoy playing with the Chewey. The other residences of this complex are friendly. However the woman in #39 has shouted and yelled at me and even though I gave her my number to speak with me directly, insists on going behind my back and "turning me in." This seems not only an overreaction, but immature. She admitted to me she yelled at me in anger, assuming I knew the rules, which I did not. She also admitted she yells at other people in the complex. This behavior gives your complex an extremely hostile vibe.
"The Association has the authority to levy fines to Owners and Residents for actual damages." Since the dog in question has not barked, left a mess, been out of control, chased a cat, or damaged anything, I fail to see what "actual damages" can be assessed. There have been no complaints about the dog, excepting the woman who has a personal vendetta against dogs. Her only complaint is that the dog entered my residence.
"Dogs are not allowed to be kept by either Owner of Non-Owner occupied residents."
The definition of keep:
Main Entry: 1keep
Inflected Form(s): kept \ˈkept\; keep·ing
Etymology: Middle English kepen, from Old English cēpan; perhaps akin to Old High German chapfēn to look
Date: before 12th century
: to take notice of by appropriate conduct :
fulfill: as a
: to be faithful to <keep a promise> b
: to act fittingly in relation to <keep the Sabbath> c
: to conform to in habits or conduct <keep late hours> d
: to stay in accord with (a beat) <keep time>
preserve, maintain: as a
: to watch over and defend <keep us from harm> b (1)
: to take care of :
tend <keep a garden> (2)
: to maintain in a good, fitting, or orderly condition —usually used with up
: to continue to maintain <keep watch> d (1)
: to cause to remain in a given place, situation, or condition <keep him waiting> (2)
: to preserve (food) in an unspoiled condition e (1)
: to have or maintain in an established position or relationship <keep a mistress> —often used with on <kept the cook on> (2)
: to lodge or feed for pay <keep boarders> f (1)
: to maintain a record in <keep a diary> (2)
: to enter in a book <keep records> g
: to have customarily in stock for sale
: to restrain from departure or removal :
detain <keep children after school> b
hold back, restrain <keep them from going> <kept him back with difficulty> c
save, reserve <keep some for later> <kept some out for a friend> d
: to refrain from revealing <keep a secret>
So I believe by the definition of your language, I am not keeping a dog here. The only issue the dog raises is that he causes a line of harassment stemming from Unit 39, through the Lori Browning, to me. Ms. Browning supposes to believe one side of the story before my side is even asked. I have not felt the "highest level of harmony" since I moved here. I will be seeking other residence unless these threats on my peaceful enjoyment cease.
The dog does visit, with his owner. The definition of visit:
Main Entry: 1vis·it
Inflected Form(s): vis·it·ed \ˈvi-zə-təd, ˈviz-təd\; vis·it·ing \ˈvi-zə-tiŋ, ˈviz-tiŋ\
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French visiter, from Latin visitare, frequentative of visere to go to see, frequentative of vidēre to see
Date: 13th century
comfort —used of the Deity <visit us with Thy salvation — Charles Wesley> b (1)
afflict <visited his people with distempers — Tobias Smollett> (2)
inflict, impose <visited his wrath upon them> c
avenge <visited the sins of the fathers upon the children> d
: to present itself to or come over momentarily <was visited by a strange notion>
: to go to see in order to comfort or help
: to pay a call on as an act of friendship or courtesy b
: to reside with temporarily as a guest c
: to go to see or stay at (a place) for a particular purpose (as business or sightseeing) d
: to go or come officially to inspect or oversee <a bishop visiting his parishes>intransitive verb
: to make a visit; also
: to make frequent or regular visits
Burning Tree Village has several conflicting signs on the property, with the dog policy only printed 8x11 fliers (2) posted near the mail and laundry. Only one permanent sign has "dogs" noted in the rule list, and it is small writing which is impossible to read while driving by. The signs on the walking paths, which can be read, don't address dogs at all. The big sign in the laundry room says to keep pets outside. The language of your rules is no more clear than the signs. There is no wording specifically restricting dogs from the premises.
I have a right to quiet enjoyment of my rental unit. I feel watched, judged and tattled on, and finally threatened. I am enrolled in full time college and my frazzled state of mind due to this situation is making it difficult for me to study and learn new information. It's distracting to say the least.
Tenant Unit 60
Cc: property manager
Main Entry: ha·rass
Pronunciation: \hə-ˈras; ˈher-əs, ˈha-rəs\
Function: transitive verb
Etymology: French harasser, from Middle French, from harer to set a dog on, from Old French hare, interjection used to incite dogs, of Germanic origin; akin to Old High German hier here — more at here
: to annoy persistently (2)
: to create an unpleasant or hostile situation for especially by uninvited and unwelcome verbal or physical conduct
: to worry and impede by repeated raids <harassed the enemy>
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
I adore my father in law. He is the nicest guy. We were there for father's day Sunday and I asked my MIL, why don't you make him get a hearing aid? They just put up with his hearing loss. I forgot what she said, but we were discussing it when he asks us what we're talking about. Like he always does. We all yell, 'we're talking about your hearing loss!"
"Oh, no," he laughs, "I only hear what I want to."
He shrugs it off with a hearty denial.
His perception, that he can hear just fine if it is something he wants to hear, overrides reality. He is losing his hearing. He is making a communication choice no to hear, thus not to listen, to others. It is quite a hostile choice. Personally, I'd divorce him.
I am a speaker. I have messages to communicate. Hell, I'm a Gemini who wants to be a writer. I love to communicate. But how free is a speaker who has no listener? Talking to someone who refuses to listen is not satisfying. Yet that is what happens millions of times a day. (not to me, worldwide)
People assume they know what I am about to say. Either based on my looks, my background, my past comments, or the topic; then they stop listening. They think about what they will say next. They interrupt. They one-up me. They try to dominate the conversation by force or manipulation. They react emotionally.
Thus my message becomes tainted. It takes effort and practice to really hear someone's message. And it takes communication skill to acknowledge that message, even with a simple "oh." Seek first to understand others. We need to slow down and listen longer.
The group communication class information could be applied to family groups. I applied the conflict management chapter to my family's communication problems. Now I don't avoid conflicts by being passive. Passive, or what I termed "keeping the peace" only allows conflicts to fester. Now I recognize aggressiveness directed towards me. I respond assertively now. I stick to my message, maintaining respect. It's hard.
The gender class was the most difficult for me. I have always prided myself on my independent thought. To learn that I'm just as much a party to stereotypical thinking as anyone else was not easy! My ego went ouch!
I knew some of the gender myths already. I knew women earned less than men, but what I learned was that social perception is we have achieved pay equity. This explained why I dropped this as a subject many years ago. (Topic avoidance) I thought I was arguing with stupid people. The public is not stupid. But they are stubborn!
We love our "norms" so much, and these norms encompass all the gender stereotypes. To deviate from them upsets people greatly! Light bulb moment! I deviate from norms as a matter of practice. So I create "noise" or in other words, I upset people who want me to conform.
I want to take this information, which is too big to pack into one post, and apply it to a book topic. I want to write a relationship "what not to do" book from the woman's point of view, at the point of the break-up. Then go over all the stories, add my own, and categorize them, adding layers of humor, hindsight and communication insight. My goal is to provide comfort for people who are going through a break up, ever went through a break up, and help people who want to improve the relationship they are in.
To be a contributor, visit my blog to take the survey. Thanks~!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
I was a child of the 70s and 80s and rebellion was my thang. This movie was a pretty accurate portrayal of teenagers in my opinion. Kids back then distrusted & disliked each other based on stereotypes. I myself was a "valley" at a coastal school, so yeah.
These teens got trapped in detention together, got high together, and bonded. For a day, at least.
They quickly united against the common enemy, authority figure Vernon.
This guy was a douche:
Richard Vernon: Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns.
soon they are all rebels.
I had to discuss the small group as a open system for my Group Communications class, with a specific, if fictional, example.
I chose the Breakfast Club.
The input variables the group members brought included John's marijuana and Brian's intellect. Claire's make-up skills, and Allison's crazy.
Allison Reynolds: I stole your wallet.
Their communication (mostly through the magic of getting stoned) and common goals of completing the essay and foiling Vernon united them.
Their output variables included their personal growth of seeing beyond stereotypes, the budding relationship between Allison and Andrew and the kiss between Claire and John.
Vernon: What if your home... what if your family... what if your *dope* was on fire?
Bender: Impossible, sir. It's in Johnson's underwear. (and it really was!)
That level of trust was built in a few hours.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
which will eventually lead us to this nancy reagan
think Nancy Reagan pictured
our current first lady lookin like this? daamn!
Lol they said we'd have a black president when pigs fly, and obama was elected.. what happened?
(imagine the convsation to get the first funding to "sail around the world" was met with "when pigs fly!")
Some day we'll visit other worlds
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Good morning! I have nothing to say so I'll start with a 'where I'm at' update.
Fresh Coffee Lover is my name, blogging was my game.
Right now, I am harried and behind! I got tossed with the economy and have been trying to recover for the past three years. I have got my tuckus back in school (yay!) and I have a position as a Realtor (finally) so that is good. I like everything going on a lot better then the entire 'poverty' thing. I have the pleasure of being in two Communications classes and one Short Story class through Portland State online. Then I took a Reporting class at the local community college, C.O.C.C. I am over 40 and in a relationship and a mom with a teenage son, an ailing dad, a step son, and an ailing step-dad to worry about. I don't like to worry, it's wasted energy, but then I would have very little interaction with them. I have an old car, a rental house, a boyfriend's dog and some online relationships and some very good IRL friends. I want to add to this mess, daily exercise and a 4.0 GPA. I would settle for 100% attendance and homework turning in, which I'm about half way there. Ugh. Have a great Tuesday! I have a dentist appt today to fix a broken molar. Yep.